If you need to buy a car, bring a Jersey Girl with you. She’ll not only get you the car you want, she’ll get it cheaper than you thought possible, including an extended warranty and that undercoating thing that new car dealerships offer for like $1,000 extra.
And if she’s feeling frisky, you may just get the VIN etching thrown in, and the add-on “upholstery protectant” charge of $200 or more? She will shame the dealer into giving you that for nothing by quoting him/her the price of a bottle of Scotchgard Auto Interior Fabric and Carpet Protectant ($6.47 at Walmart).
Yeah, take a Jersey Girl with you. And then just sit back and watch the magic unfold.
Please note that this article generalizes quite a bit. I do not intend to infer that every Jersey Girl is like what I am describing. In this piece, I am speaking about many of the Jersey Girls I know, with whom I hang out, with whom I’ve worked, to whom I’m related. And oh yeah, I’m describing myself too.
Jersey Girls, especially those of a “certain” age, like nothing more than a bit of a challenge.
Simply put, do not try and pull one over on a Jersey Girl. We can sniff out dishonesty from 10 miles away. We also are masters at the poker face, so while you are bumbling around trying to explain or defend your position, our faces are Sphinx-like.
Think of this facial expression as akin to a bull lowering his head and pawing the ground before an attack. We are gathering our strength and the spirits of our Jersey Girl foremothers while you are still babbling.
Jersey Girls’ facial expressions are also very evident and self-explanatory. One hard stare, one unblinking gaze, one side-eye glance, and you know you’re in for it.
My mother-in-law had a way of widening her eyes and staring at you, through you, eyes like laser beams into your very soul, when she was, shall I say, “displeased” with you.
The kids to this day call this expression “Nanny Eyes.” The memory of that expression still gives me the chills, 13 years after her passing. That’s some supernatural Jersey Girl right there.
But when a Jersey Girl smiles, it reflects off the ocean and brightens the world. And if a Jersey Girl loves you? Well, you, my friend, have hit the jackpot. Jersey Girls love fiercely.
We have your back. We will stand toe-to-toe with anyone who hurts those we love. And God forbid if anyone hurts one of her kids. “See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.”
Jersey Girls have a toughness, an honesty and, at times, a brashness. We are funny, quick-witted, independent, loyal. Sounds like I’m bragging? I am.
But don’t mistake the toughness for hardness. Inside we are soft. Our hearts, like the Grinch after he wised up, are three sizes bigger than most people’s hearts. We love big.
Jersey Girls love to have fun. Our laughs are loud, our jokes may be a little off-color, and our language at times is not appropriate for some settings.
We also like quiet time, a time to relax, unwind, put our feet up, and do nothing. And our favorite place for this quiet time is down the shore, on the beach, toes in the sand.
If you want an honest answer, ask a Jersey Girl. We will tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear.
We will couch our answer in tactful terms. Most of the time. Other times, we will bluntly say, “Are you kidding me right now? Don’t be stupid” or something similar. Hey, you asked.
The Jersey Girls I know are not the stereotypical loud-mouthed, brassy, nasty, overly made-up women who are portrayed on TV or in movies.
Most of us don’t even know Jersey Girls like that.
Jon Bon Jovi said, “Jersey girls have this inner glow that makes them more beautiful than any other girls.” Bruce Springsteen sang, “Nothing matters in this whole wide world when you’re in love with a Jersey Girl.” Both these guys are on point. At least in this Jersey Girl’s opinion. You got a problem with that?