Right after Halloween, even before all the leftover candy has been eaten (by me and my husband), when the stores start putting out their Christmas stuff, I start sweating the holiday.

Now don’t get me wrong—I love Christmas. Love love love it. But my mind starts using a stopwatch. All the stuff that needs to get done before Christmas makes me very anxious, the older I get.

I start wildly texting my sons Georgie and Donnie and Donnie’s fiancée Michelle, demanding their wish lists, sizes, etc. This texting then occurs once or twice a week till I get a response from them.

Plus, to make things really interesting, from September through December is my busy time for my crafts business.

So not only am I trying to get things done for our family for the holidays, I am making wreaths and sea glass framed art that is being ordered on my Etsy site.

And as extra penance, I do two craft fairs, one in November and one two weeks later, in December. So if I’m not gluing and weaving and tying, I am shopping, stressing, and decorating.

In honor of my current mindset, I have written a poem, and it even rhymes! (I am not a poet and I know it) Enjoy!

***

‘Twas the month before Christmas,
When I started to plan
How to celebrate Christmas,
without ^%&$ hitting the fan.

So many people we would like to be with
On Christmas Day, December 25th.
The more, the merrier, I always say
And never more so than the holidays.

Our house is a nice little rancher in Ewing
But a lot of houseguests will be our undoing.
One never knows what our weather will bring
If we’re lucky maybe it will be like spring.

And if that’s the case and it’s warm and mild
Then with the guest list we can go a little wild.
But if it’s cold or there’s wind and there’s rain
Then trying to fit everyone in is a pain.

Chairs in the hall and on the front lawn
Will kill holiday spirit, unless we add on.
Living room and big kitchen, we’re good to go there,
But that’s it, there’s no extra room to spare.

Four on the couch, five if they’re slim
Three on the loveseat, filled to the brim!
Someone will end up with their plate on the sink;
All of a sudden I feel the need for a drink.

We could always use a big outdoor tent
And portable heaters I hear we can rent.
But the way our luck goes, we will surely get snow,
Or maybe an ice storm or a tornado.

A buffet-style meal is the best way to go
Line up, fill plates, go with the flow.
All guests can find their own sitting space
Our bed is available, just in case.

Lean against a wall, sit on the floor,
I just realized we have floor space galore!
Park it and eat, have some homemade iced tea,
Being together’s the best, I think you’ll agree.

So the venue and menu are planned to a tee,
It’s now time to prepare for the Christmas shopping spree.
Armed with lists and my worn-out debit card
I am ready for battle, this shouldn’t be too hard.

Whoever invented shopping online
Deserves a medal and a bottle of wine.
List in left hand, IPhone in the right,
I shop till my fingers have gone stiff and tight.

If only the wrapping fairy would appear
I’d surely be of real good cheer.
Scotch tape, tags and wrapping paper in yards
Make me start to prefer giving gift cards.

But opening presents is always such fun
We’ll be up to our necks in paper when done.
The ooh’s and the ahh’s that attend each gift
Make the headaches worthwhile and our spirits will lift.

Wait! I have a solution to the holiday woes.
It may not be a popular one, I suppose.
At this point, I feel we have nothing to lose.
Let’s chuck it all and go on a cruise.

I wish you all a very happy holiday season! God bless us, every one.